Just a ramble.

So, I've decided that I'm going to write for the next bit.  Maybe 40 minutes or so.  I haven't tried this type of exercise in a long time, but think it might be valuable.  I have no plan as to what to write about, I'll just take it as it comes, kind of like this whole exercise of blogging.

I'm also bbm'ing with my friend Just right now.  She's going through some challenges, struggling at times.  She's an incredible woman though, and will come through her struggles a stronger, better person.  I'm sure of it.  A lot of me goes into being an emotional support for her right now.  She's been an incredible friend to me since we met, and I just want to see her happy again.  It'll happen, it's just going to take time.

I'm supposed to start curling again soon.  I'm not exactly sure when it starts, but to be honest I'm not sure it's something that I want to do.  The knock on my head scared me.  Ice is hard, and it hurts.  My balance isn't as good as that of most people, and I don't want to make my head damage any worse by bouncing my head off the ice needlessly.  Maybe I should play a safer sport like volleyball this winter.

I feel bad thinking of quitting though.  I've made a commitment to participate, and said I'd put in the necessary effort to improve my game.  I just don't see me making any improvement if I'm scared to play.

I wish I was the kind of person who didn't question my friendships constantly.  There's people in my life that I fully enjoy having in my life, but at the same time, I question whether they add value to my life.  Is it selfish of me to look for value in my friendships? Does that make me a bad person?

I'd like to think that who my friends are is a reflection of who I am.  My friends are all very different though, so I don't know what it says about me.

So many different thoughts.  I think this blog is going to come across as an odd jumble that won't make sense.

I'm still trying to lose weight, but not trying very hard.  I've definitely slowed down on working to achieve my goals.  I don't think it helps me to hear that I'm looking good, because it takes away from my drive to look good.  This might not make sense, but I feel like I'm 'good enough' right now, so I don't push hard.

I need to keep reminding myself where I am, and be glad that I've managed to lose 25 lbs, but keep reminding myself that the next 20 is going to be super hard to get rid of... and that even once I've lost it, I'll need to stay super healthy to keep it off.  I foresee a lifetime of weight struggles for myself.  I think it's part of how I was raised, and it's sad.  My mom's tried multiple diets when I was growing up, with successes and failures.  Weight has almost always been a concern of mine.  Especially now that I'm weighing more than I want to.  I've always compared weight though.  In grade 9 I was comparing my weight to other girls of my height on the ski trip sign up sheets.  It was devastating then to be 140 lbs, when the next heaviest girl of my height who didn't look 'fat' was 135.  I never spoke of these feelings, and try to repress them a lot.  In a large way, my self worth depends on me being thin, and pretty. 

There are a few things about my roommate that are frustrating to me.  For the most part he's good, so these really are just minor complaints.  He spends money on things 'for the condo' without checking with me first.  We've got some pheremone thing now for the cats.  It's supposed to make them calm and like each other.  I had to pay $15 for that.  Frank the Tank is getting fixed on Tuesday, I'm hoping that calms him down, not some smelly thing that you plug into the wall.  He also doesn't ever clean the bathroom or kitchen.  He tidies his dishes, and wipes the counter, but never cleans the floor.  I barely cook at home (this is changing), so the mess on the floor, drops and drips of stuff isn't my doing.  He doesn't clean it up though, so I wind up washing floors.  Yay.  He can also be a bit whiny about the whole flea situation.  I get it.  My cat is the reason we're dealing with fleas.  However, I'm more than willing to vacuum when it's my turn, I've paid for the flea treatment (except a dud of a flea collar he felt the need to buy), and I'm paying to get the carpets steamed.  Flea treatment takes time.  There's no overnight quick fix.  Other than that, I absolutely love sharing my house with him.  He's mostly tidy, polite and friendly.  I'm very happy with the situation.

I feel like I'm waiting for something in my life.  I'm getting impatient.  I've felt for a while that I'm waiting for my 'real life' to happen.  This is a mindset I'd like to change.  I'm living my 'real life' right now, and I need to make the best of it.  It's easy to say 'when this happens I'll be happy', but it isn't true.  I need to look at my situation now, and find joy and happiness in the life I'm living, rather than waiting for things to change.  I'm living a good life.  Not many people my age live the successes I have.  I need to be grateful for what I've been blessed with.  It's a good goal for me to try and live by.  I'm going to give it a shot.

blah blah blah, shit happened

So I suck at blogging lately, and really just forget to write anything.

Lets see... I've discussed the curling concussion, but not the fact that we were supposed to be put up against an 'equal calibre' team the following week for playoffs (yes a 1 night playoffs).  The team we met showed up with matching jackets.. and skills.  We conceded defeat by the 5th end.

My brother visited for a few days.  Well, he stayed in Leduc, but came over every evening.  Well, I actually drove to Leduc to pick him up, and brought him back... but whatever.  He visited.

Frank the Tank ran away.  He came back before the next morning, but it was still worrisome at the time, as we couldn't find him anywhere.  I think he wanted one more romp before I take him in to get his balls cut off.

I had a road trip for work, all by myself.  I spent 4 days in Medicine Hat.  It was a good trip.  I learned a fair bit, and now definitely feel comfortable about going other places.  Submitted my expenses, so that needs to go on the credit card as soon as I get the expense cheque.

I also participated in the CIBC Run for the Cure.  I ran the 5km in 36 minutes, which isn't a great time.  I would have liked to be able to do it in 30 minutes, and realistically thought 35 should have been doable.  It's a learning experience for me though, and I'll get faster with time and training.

I think that's about it.  I'm cooking a turkey on the weekend for Thanksgiving.  I've got some friends coming over, so I'll try and put together a feast. YUM YUM.